My mother in the group home & suffering from Alzheimer's Disease

I am going to put the whole story of Mother's demise, so none of it is lost.  On July 2nd, I received a phone call at about 6:30 in the morning and it was my step-father, Don.  He said that my mother had fallen or rolled out-of-bed and had cut her head very badly.  He called 911 and the paramedics took her to JC Lincoln Hospital.  I quickly got dressed and when John got home from his walk, told him we had to get to the hospital.  I called the girls and Bob and went to the hospital.  Mother was in the ER and they had to give her 5 stitches inside of the wound and 25 on the outside.  She was admitted to the hospital.  Before this happened, she would sit in her chair during the day and could feed herself and drink from her cup...all by herself.  They did all kinds of tests at the hospital, such as a CAT Scan, an MRI, and we were told there was no concussion or damage to the brain.  I am telling this so you can understand the things I am going to write hereafter.  My mother stayed in the hospital until that next Monday.  Oh yes, they were so helpful to Don by sending in a social worker, who then put him in touch with two guys who recommended a couple of group homes for us to visit.  Yes, they had already talked Don into putting mother in a group home.  We went and looked at them and Don picked the one that I didn't like, but if I said anything, it wouldn't matter anyway.  We found out that 70% of the group homes in Phoenix are owned by Romanians and this was the case.  He picked the one that had 7 or 8 men in it and one other woman, whom by-the-way, has left after I heard her complaining about not getting the medicine she needs, to someone on the phone.  She was on oxygen and is no longer there.

On the next Monday, July 8th, I forgot (it seems like a lifetime) she was released from the hospital and taken to the group home Don chose and this is how she looked. Let's remember now, before this incident she could function somewhat on her own.  Of course it takes a while to get used to being somewhere new, but she is beyond knowing what is going on.  It is progressively getting worse by the day.  They do not take their time with her.  Today, the manager came in with Gatorade and literally tried to pour it down her throat.  I spoke up and asked if I could try to get her to drink, so she gave me the glass and I SLOWLY talked to her and asked her if she wanted to hold the cup, which she did, and she did drink for me.  They know what food she likes and dislikes.  Her lunch today was "Homemade Cream of Broccoli" soup.  They have tried to give that to her before and she actually spoke words and said she didn't like it.  If she won't eat, they take it away and that's it.  Oh, they pretend they are trying to help her, but they aren't, it's BS.  By the way, Don is saying that they are taking better care of her than he could.  That also is BS.  Bob told him about how he could get nurses to come into the house around the clock if he wanted, but it's probably too late now.  He is paying $3,000.00 a month for this place and apparently added on costs, because Annette laid a receipt on the dresser, which I think said for $45.00 for something (I should have taken a freaking picture with my iPad), but it was for some test.  If he had nurses there, they would do his work too.  I'll make a bet that if he took mother home and offered Mary, one of the caregivers a full-time job and be able to live there, he would probably save money.  He could pay her what she is making at that home and have quality care. It would be a great deal for Mary too because she also hates where she is working and can't stand Annette either.

 This is week two of mother being in this group home.  It is not a pleasant picture to look at, but it is the facts.  She has already lost significant weight compared to the picture above and did not look good at all.  I know for a fact that the manager, Annette, lies because a week ago Sunday, July 14th, 2013, a family was going through the group home because they were going to put their mother in there.  I heard them say that she wanders and the place where she was at, couldn't keep her.  I then heard them ask Annette how much staff they had at ALL times and she answered 2.  Excuse me, the day before, there was one person, Rachael, for all  the residents.  I just wonder what else she lies about.

When I go and see mother, which is everyday, I stay usually for 2 1/2 hrs. which is what my girls and Bob does also.  I found out yesterday 7/21/13 that Jim and Cindy went there and stayed a full 20 minutes.  One of the caregivers told me this and I just about fell out of my seat.  All I can say is that I hope everyone of them who have lied and take this lightly, will have the same kind of death that she has.  I know she is going to die soon.  She sits in the recliner now, sleeps most of the time, sometimes will say a real word, but the majority of the time her words cannot be understood and she lays there with her mouth open and just a slit open in her eyes.  She looks dead now.  She is skinning bones and I heard them say that she weighed 135 pounds when she got there (that was a guess from Don), but I bet she only weighs a 100 pounds now, if that.  I am guessing that my mother will be dead within 3 weeks time, if that.  She barely eats anything and won't drink much either.  Just remember what I said up above regarding how she was BEFORE she was injured.  This is not the same woman at all and it just makes me sick to my stomach.  I also want to add that Mary told me she did not like giving mother her pain medication before she eats because it makes her sleepy and then she won't eat.  Annette wants it given beforehand, but Mary WILL NOT DO IT.  It just seems to me that they are purposely making her sleepy so she WON'T eat or drink, thus killing her slowly...just my opinion.

7/23/13 - I guess I'm going to be doing this everyday now, just to report on Mother.   She was better today, than yesterday, but still not the same mother even when she was ill at her house.  She is going downhill.  One thing to report though is that all of a sudden she looked at me and said "I want candy".  I asked her what she said and she repeated it.  Well, I was more than happy to cut up candy and give to her.  Then she drank water for me.  She was more lucid today and could speak actual words, instead of jibberish.  When they brought her lunch in, which was about 3/4 cup of soup, I got her to eat some.  They also had some fruit that she ate and then in a small dish, there was a very small amount of what I assumed was pudding.  I decided to taste it by putting a tiny bit of it on my pinky finger and it was so bitter.  I figured they had put some kind of medicine in the pudding, but it could not have been a pill because there were no little pieces in it, if it had been crushed. I fed it to her with a little applesauce and she ate it.  Then before I was going to leave, Annette came in and I told her mother ate some soup and drank some water.  I also told her that mother loves ICE water, so she took the glass and put ice in it.  She then came in and gave mother a drink and as mother stated her usual "yum", Annette could see I was right.  These people drive me crazy.  Annette did, however, tell me that Don gave mother a fruit bar, but kept shoving food in her mouth.  She said that a half hour after Don left, she went in there and mother's mouth was still full of the fruit bar.  She could have choked.  That is why I like to feed her because I take a lot of time and make sure she swallows her food.  I took two more pictures of her and am titling them as to the week she has been in there; week one, week two, and I will continue with that.

7/24/13 - I went to see mother as usual.  She was in a "transfixed" mood as I call it.  Not nasty, but not very talkative either, at least nothing that was real understandable.  She did, however, ask for a drink of water.  Her lunch consisted of probably 1/3 cup of soup, which she did not eat and 1/2 a sliced banana, which she did eat.  There was only a couple of pieces left.  Mary has been gone all week long and there's a little lady who is from the Philippines and a guy from Vietnam.  I asked him where Mary was and he said he was told to be there for a week and did not know anything about Mary.  He said to ask Annette.  They probably fired Mary or she quit.  All I knew was that Mary had a doctor's appointment for her Diabetes.  I wish I would have taken her phone number when she was going to give it to me.  God forbid if she isn't there anymore; she is so good with the patients.  Rachel wasn't there either. I had mother use her finger on the iPad and she seemed to enjoy that.  I am going to put the picture she did on here and on Facebook, I'll see what Tracy says.  Otherwise that was about it.  I brought the flowers home because they never put water in the vase and they are pretty much dead.

 This is the last picture of my mother.  I know it isn't pleasant to see someone who is beginning the ending phase of their life, but this is exactly what was happening.  On July 24th, she was her normal self when I went to the group home.  She ate part of her banana when it was lunch time, but did not like the soup, so she let is spill out of her mouth.  She fell asleep and when she woke up, I asked her if she wanted to eat the rest of the banana and she said yes and she ate it.  I left probably around 12:30 or so, and then Don came later to feed her dinner.  She was skinning bones from when she went into this place.  Anyway, he fed her dinner and said he was so happy because she ate everything...mashed potatoes with gravy and ice cream.  Apparently the night before she had eaten mashed potatoes with gravy, turkey and jello.  He said he left the house feeling happy that she ate all that.

I came the next morning, which would have been July 25th, and when I walked in, she was sleeping.  I pulled the chair up by her (she was in the recliner) and tried to wake her up.  I sat there for about 10 - 15 minutes trying to wake her up.  I noticed that she was struggling to breathe and it almost sounded like a bit of gurgling when she would take a breath.  I went out and told the two caretakers that there was something wrong and they needed to come in and check on her.  The guy took her blood pressure (on her wrist, once he figured out HOW to do it) and said it was 91/60.  I said that was pretty low and he was like, "Oh, that's normal".  I don't know if that is or not.  Anyway, then they called the house manager and the Hospice nurse, after they put her in bed.  These people came over an hour later.  Don paid $3,000.00 a month for this place and it takes over an hour to find out my mother was beginning to die.  The woman caretaker said "Oh, I had just given her a drink before you walked in".  Well, I don't really believe that because my mother was non-responsive when I got there.

While in bed, she was moving her arms so much, you would have thought she had Parkinson's Disease.  The nurse from Hospice said this was normal and the Social Worker called it "Terminal Restlessness".  She said this could last one day or a few and then my mother would enter the next phase of peace.  She told us exactly what would happen, but I'm not going to put that down.  They kept giving her Morphine and said that would help her breathing and Tracy said that was right and sent a link regarding the use of Morphine for instances like this.  We stayed until about 7:00.

Yesterday morning arrived and there were no calls during the night.  Don and I both were there at 9:00 in the morning and she was laying in bed, on her back and very peaceful; no more moving around.  She stayed this way the entire day.  Everyone was there with her.  Well, Jim came about noon and stayed for 1/2 hour.  Everyone had left and Tracy and I left at about 6:15.  About 1:20 a.m. Saturday (today) morning, the phone rang and it was the group home, telling us mother had passed away.  John and I got dressed quickly and went there, as did Don.  The man from the funeral home came and got her body and took her to the funeral home.  Now Don has to talk to them and decide when the funeral will be.  I am sad that my mother is gone,  but she is no longer is in pain.  She is with her family now and can run, walk and do anything without any physical limitations.  Rest in peace mother, we all love you.

7/31/2013 - Well, my mother's funeral is over and done with.  Tracy did a beautiful job on the DVD and her eulogy, which I am going to put on here.  Don came with his sun glasses on and went up to mother several times. She looked nice, but there were no wrinkles and to be honest, it didn't really look real, she looked like a China Doll.  Don't get me wrong, she looked nice, it just wasn't natural.  Then Don would go over to the side and sit.  He did at least tell Tracy her tribute to mother was nice.  All this was happening before people started coming.  Old Jimbo was in the back of the church with Cindy and just crying BUCKETS of tears for the mother he never had time for.  I am so tired of fakes that it isn't even funny.  Kari said she saw him crying and just walked away and I did the same thing.  Nope, no sympathy for him.  He was trying everything possible to get out of paying 1/3 of the flowers and ad for the Oelwein paper.  He told Bob he hadn't gotten paid in 3 weeks, which is funny because the Friday before mother passed away, he told John and I, AFTER BEING WITH MOTHER FOR 30 MINUTES, that he had to go and turn in his badge and keys because he wouldn't be working anymore.  Then he tells Bob that his blood pressure was low.  OMG, when I went over to Bob's and had him call Jim to find out what they call Peyton now and to get Emily's name, he said he didn't have a granddaughter and that he had a DAUGHTER.  Bob about dropped the phone.  He said to Jim "Rebecca has children, you know Peyton and...."  He then said "Oh yeah".  Then he was telling people that he had cancer just because he had a biopsy done on a sun spot on his forehead.  Don and John have them all the time.  I was thrilled to death that Pastor Hamlin was there. Pastor Hamlin told me that Jane had called him because she had seen it in the paper and told him he better get right over to the funeral.

Here is Tracy's eulogy:

Grandma’s Eulogy
As we mourn the loss and celebrate the life today of Nellie Tellin King – my grandma – I want to share some of the memories I have of her and to remember how special she was to all of us.
I feel like grandma and I share a special bond. My mom always says to me, “You’re just like your grandmother.” Whether it was my distaste for milk, my fear of fluttering things – butterflies for me and birds for grandma – or my affinity for purses, shoes, and hair styling, it has become pretty apparent to me that I have been blessed (and maybe a little cursed) with many of my grandma’s genes. And from now on, every time I freak out over a butterfly, or cringe at the thought of drinking milk, or feel happy when I buy a new pair of shoes, I’ll smile and say to myself, “You’re just like grandma” – knowing that her spirit is always with me. 
Memories like these are such special gifts from God, allowing us the ability to reconnect with those who are no longer in this world. And I am blessed to have had 35 years of them with my grandma. Memories like playing with her makeup and costume jewelry, or the fun times with my sister swimming in my grandparent’s pool.  There are also the family trips – to Iowa, San Diego and Pinetop – and the pool table competitions in the game room.
And as my sister and I got older, Grandma was no less a presence in our lives. I remember going to Grandma’s to get my hair permed. She was an excellent hairdresser and I was lucky to get her services for free. Then there were the holiday dinners – Christmas Eve and Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, Mother’s and Father’s Day, and, of course, her famous meatballs – all special and memorable because we were all together.  And even near the end of Grandma’s life, when we were all able to be with her, I could tell she was at peace knowing that her family was by her side.
One of the final things she said to me before she passed on was in response to a picture I had drawn on my iPad. It was of a heart with the word “LOVE” inside it. When she saw it, she looked at me and said, “That’s neat.” I thought, “Yes, Grandma. Love is neat.” And today, when I reflect on that moment, I realize that her love for us and our love for her will carry us through this sad and difficult time. And in the end, it will lift us up as we rejoice in the time we were blessed to have her in our lives.
And, now, I would like to end with one of my favorite Bible verses from Colossians, Chapter 3, verses 12-17:
“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word and deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Amen.

One would think that with my mother's burial, things would begin to simmer down, but nope thanks to Jim and Cindy.  I won't call myself blameless either, because I could have waited before I said anything, but I was angry.  Jim and all his wives have done the same thing forever...NOT PAY UP.  It had been agreed that Jim, Bob and I would split in thirds, the cost of the flowers, which was $329.00.  I also put Mother's obituary in the Oelwein paper and it cost $70.00.  I had originally thought I was just going to pay for that myself, which would have been fine, but Bob insisted that it should be split in thirds also.  On the day of Mother's funeral, Bob brought a check to me and Jim had told Bob on the phone, that for them to pay a third, would be just fine with him and he would pay me at the funeral.  Of course, there was no payment from Jim and Cindy.

After Jim and Cindy got home, Jim called Bob and told him that their cat was dragging her leg, so they had to take it to the vet.  This is the BEGINNING of the stories and will lead up to why he can't pay me right away.  Anyway, he claims the vet said the cat had been shot with a BB gun and they told the vet that it has been an indoor cat since they've had it, (9 years).  The vet said maybe there was a BB in the cat and when it jumped down, the BB moved and it would have to have surgery. Oh yes, the vet cost $300 and some dollars and they have no clue how much the surgery would be.  Been there, done that with our dogs and it was a lot more than $300.00. Next Jim told Bob that he and Cindy were sick and Cindy was at the doctor as they were speaking and he had a call into the VA for himself.  He told Bob that he doesn't have any insurance, only the VA.  Bob told him he didn't have any insurance at all.  Then Bob told me he remembered Jim saying that when he retired, Cindy was going to put him on her health insurance.  Like I said, he is such a liar.  Then he told Bob to TELL me that he won't be able to pay me until he gets his Social Security check on the 14th.  TELL me...he couldn't CALL ME and discuss this with me and maybe ASK if that was okay and make arrangements to pay.  Here Bob doesn't have money at all, but he paid.  Bob even gave a $50.00 donation to Hospice out of his own money, as well as ourselves and the girls.  Well, this is the normal Jim crap and even John said we will never see that money, there will always be excuses from them.

I decided I was not going to take it anymore.  As my doctor says about certain things, enough is enough.  I got on the Instant Message site of Facebook, since I saved his old messages, and I was able to write on that. Since I don't know their e-mail address, I was able to tell him that if he didn't pay me right away, I was going to get an attorney. Well, it certainly did not take long to get a response regarding my message, only it was from Cindy.  Jim is too much of a sissy to take care of business himself...he's scared of me, which is good.  The first thing Cindy said to me was "Why didn't you call us about this instead of going through Bob?"  I responded by telling her I didn't have their phone number and she said "Well now you do".  I doubt if she even knew that because Jim is a pathological liar.  Then she was "yelling" at me and actually I forget most of what she said.  I remember she told us to stay away from her family and I told her "Gladly BITCH" and then she said that my whole family is mentally something.   Oh, I know, she said she was going to send the money by certified mail, so we had to sign for it.  They did too, and we got it on Sat.  Hey, I thought they didn't have any money and payment was in the form of a cashier's check.  Now it will be less visits to Wendy's or Sonic for them for a while.

When she was done with me, she called Bob and told him off and informed him they were going to get a restraining order against me/us, not sure.  It's actually pretty funny because at the time, I didn't even know their address; that just proves how STUPID they are.  They can go ahead and get one for all I care, I'll easily prove my case...this is why I save everything. Before Cindy hung up from Bob, she had to inform him that she had an "Upper Respiratory Infection", which everybody wondered what that had to do with this, but then let's remember, we are the mental ones. Hopefully it is all over with now and we will NEVER see them again.  As of 9/23/13, Cindy has an Upper Respiratory Infection, Bronchitis, Pneumonia, and to end it, the 99 Day Whooping Cough.  When Jim went to Don's to get the tea set he gave mother when he was in the military, he told Don that she didn't come in because she had pneumonia and didn't want Don to catch it.  This is just how STUPID they are....you don't "catch" pneumonia.  Don was glad she didn't come in.  Just so this will never be forgotten, Don also found a horrible letter that Cindy wrote to mother and he called Cindy evil.

Obviously this is the end.  Here is her grave and I will say that each of us, except Jim and Cindy, have contributed to decorating it.  Her birthday will be coming up shortly and we will have to think of some other stuff the put on it.  Rest in Peace Mother.  Just to make this right, the morons did put one bunch of fall colored flowers on her grave and put it right in front on mine.  Well, I will admit, I promptly moved them over to the side.  See who the trouble makers are?  They are the most horrible people around.